saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
