my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
