My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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