What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
