FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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