Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
