how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
