I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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