hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
