you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
