I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
