just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
