I'm sorry my penis didn't work
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
