I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
