Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
