You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
