sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it's like iHOP with fire
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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