I just saw a hot homeless man
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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