Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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