There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
