can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I want her autograph on my taint
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
