dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
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