somebody snuck up and got me drunk
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
