ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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