I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize