did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
