Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
