It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
