I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
