I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize