I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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