and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
