Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
