honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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