dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
