I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
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I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
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Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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