Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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