I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
