you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Damn victory sex feels great
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
