So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
