he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
