You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
