if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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