She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
