i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
well you can't waste a boner
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The air taste purple.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
