so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
