Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
