so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
