is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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