It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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