I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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