whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
