two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so let's talk penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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