I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Less talking, more tequila
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
