So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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