The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
