My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
