OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I need to sanitize my soul.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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