my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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