I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
