I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
