A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
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Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
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I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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