my vag is so smooth its legendary
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
