with your own penis?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
