what day is it and did you see me today?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
