he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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