I'm lost and stupid without you.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
