I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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