I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
