Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
