We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
