At least make sure they are 18
Why
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
