Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
