OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
