and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
