i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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