I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
