You made me cry and you don't even care
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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